Name: Caroline 'er indoors' Carter
Age: Never ask a lady's age
Greatest sporting achievement:
School rounders, netball and hockey player, County swimmer, College and university volleyball player. So a real contender if there were at least one of these events. More current achievement 13 hour pain endurance event, resulting in a 4kg weight loss and hospitalisation
Profile: Unlike ‘The Daddy’ 'Er Indoors is probably the lightest competitor and is athletically built. Don’t let looks deceive you. 'Er Indoors has a fitness regime which involves nurturing favourite pastime such as sitting on her ar5e scoffing sweets and occasionally taking leisurely walks to the shops to stock up on more food.
Joker Round: Basketball
Chances: May not be favourite to win this competition but is determined to score one point, so someone is going to have to lose to a girl!!!
Official odds: 9/1
Name: Joel 'Accident Prone' Wyart
Age: 26
Greatest sporting achievement:
Coming second at the go-karting on Fido Dido's stag do (Joel was robbed by a dopey back marker!!!) and then showing his true colours... being the worst '3 Man' contestant ever, lasting only a matter of minutes
Profile: Being a bit of a moto-cross fan, Joel prefers to rely on an engine rather than muscle power to propel him to victory. However his obsession has resulted in a torn shoulder ligament which may just put him out of the contest all together. However, it might just provides an excellent excuse for a poor performance on the day
Joker Round: 800 metres
Chances: Slim. Hopes not to peak too early and trail off to an embarrassing finish
Official odds: 5/1
Name: John 'The Cat' Catterfeld
Age: 26
Greatest sporting achievement: Beating his elder sister in an apple bobbing contest in the back garden
Profile: Mentally, the youngest competitor in the field, 'The Cat' will be ruing the extra pounds piled on the waist region in the past few months (well, years). Will probably be unable to stay with the front runners in any speed or strength events, so will be looking to do well in golf and darts. Has skill, but needed to start training about five months ago
Joker Round: Darts
Chances: Looking for a top three finish but will need a well played joker
Official odds: 11/2
Name: Sunil 'Bling Bling' Khurshid
Age: 30
Greatest sporting achievement:
Aged 10 'Bling Bling' once came second to Bruce Herry in a race to the milk bottles at break time
Profile: Strength, speed, stamina, skill, and agility. All qualities that this competitor lacks. In a former life this could have been a real contender but 4 stone and too many Donar kebabs later, all that 'Bling Bling' can offer on the day is a baby sweet smile and a share of his Maltesers
Joker Round: Gym Tests
Chances: Looking for a finish in the top half... but also looking to upgrade his spectacles
Official odds: 8/1
Name: Mark 'Mumm-Ra' Nunn
Age: 28
Greatest sporting achievement:
Being told by Billie Jean King that he was a cute baby (In 1978)
Profile: LOSER Number 2. Another drop out. Come to think of it, did anyone actually see him finish the London marathon?? He and Nwabs will be escorting each other to knitting lessons on the 18th September. Get your requests in early as they've got a lot of scarves to make
Joker Round: NA
Chances: Fat, like his head. So much for facing your fears!
Official odds: NA
Name: Matt 'The Daddy' Carter
Age: 30
Greatest sporting achievement:
Winning the ‘Centerparcs tennis open 2000’ and possibly the only player in the pool event to possibly understand the rules especially the subtleties of the Earthquake rule. The Daddy was also the only kid in primary school to throw a tennis ball over the school building.
Profile: In line to be possibly the heaviest competitor with weight fluctuating around the 100kg mark! Best athletic days have certainly long gone but an obsessive determination not to be beaten should lift me off the bottom of the table. Suited to certain pub activities rather than aerobic activities. Would expect to perform in the top three in the pool and manage three press ups in the gym tests. Would like to propose nappy changing or the 4 pint challenge as a possible reserve events for which he is guaranteed to score heavily
Joker Round: Pool
Chances: Aspires to finish in a single figure position and to wake up the next morning
Official odds: 3/1 Favourite
Name: Jason 'Fido Dido' O'Donnell
Age: 30
Greatest sporting achievement:
Once Downed a pint faster than 'Er Indoors but bar far the GSA has to be bashing out 6 or 7 in a row at the age of 13 (Precise number unknown due to temporarily blindness after 4). Stopped trying to beat personal record after the great thigh strain injury of 97
Profile: What Jason lacks in skill he will compensate for with lycra pants hopefully confusing all opponents on the day. Likes : Beating 'The Daddy' at anything, Mars Bars and Naughty girls. Dislikes : Macaroni Cheese and Nuns
Joker Round: Gym Tests
Chances: Winning comes second to beating Matt (except for the pie eating contest)
Official odds: 13/2
Name: Liam 'Lard in Charge' O'Sullivan
Age: 30
Greatest sporting achievement:
Competed in The Inaugural British Amateur Macho Championships (Arm wrestling !!!!)
Profile: Currently recovering from a crippling muscle and fat wastage disease which has seen his bodyweight free fall to just over 230lbs. Being sponsored by McVities has helped but Slimfast has withdrawn their sponsorship which has made training that little bit more Rewarding. Shame there are no Strength events but hey-ho. Just Remember what they say in Prison, "You might be surprised by the Fat Fella at the back!"
Joker Round: Golf
Chances: Betting on himself............not to win i
Official odds: 6/1
Name: Paul 'The Frump' Murphy
Age: 30
Greatest sporting achievement:
His empty trophy cabinet tells it's own story
Profile: Any aerodynamic advantage gained by the streamlined cranium is instantly counteracted by the onset of middle age. History has proven that pear-shaped competitors are rarely contenders. This will be no exception. If the arthritis or cataracts don't guarantee his failure to score a single point on the day then the weeping hemorrhoids will certainly terminate any chance of appearing on the rostrum. Any handicap requested should be granted without consideration
Joker Round: Pool
Chances: He didn't get fat whilst training to be a Superstar. 12 years of desk work has a nasty effect on the body
Official odds: 17/2
Name: Nwabu 'The Dice Man' Ugoala
Age: 30
Greatest sporting achievement:
Sparing his dignity by dropping out of Superstars before the first whistle has even blown
Profile: All mouth and no trousers. Is probably eating KFC as you read
Joker Round: NA
Chances: Could have been a real contender but wussed out at the first suggestion of a swimming event!
Official odds: NA